Because I wanted a cheap excuse to talk about jerking myself back and forth in the space-time continuum, spurtling cosmic spooge like little spermy stars all over your right ascension.

Perhaps this indicates, mister rands, that you are derelicting your duties to your audience, and should instead regale us with more stories of cheap strippers and puddles of liquor-smelling vomit?

(OBAFGKM)