Some of your readers, like me, don't live in the US so maybe some of the nuances are going over my head, but wouldn't a key point be that this not look too much like it was written by actual lawyers? As written I see a parody response to people who live in a very litigious environment and those last changes would seem to be spoiling it. That legal opinion says to me that rather than dig the hole even deeper some parts need to be shallower before the point is completely lost.