You did a great job of reminding us about the importance of the resume:

I’m hiring a person. But when I start, all I have is the paper.

I hire in an academic research setting but I'm looking for the same kind of energy. I read hundreds of resumes a year and 80% of them have two fatal flaws:

1. They don't address subtly, blatantly, or outrageously the talents or skills that I've asked for in the posting.

2. They don't write a cover letter telling ME in an honest voice about their objectives - even though I put the suggestion in the posting.

If you have to write a generic resume to shotgun at conferences then make sure it's not bland and don't use the words 'motivated team player' ever. Also, if you use a CV and not a resume format for dog's sake write something that brings you out of the paper and into human form. A CV is really supposed to be supporting documentation for a talented human, folks.