Bad Sex Songs

[Still aggregating N.A.D.D. desktops — more on this shortly]

On the drive to work this morning, the radio started playing Prince’s Raspberry Beret. Before I heard word one of the song, I’d changed the station.

Now, Prince has taken it on the chin in recent years for being a total and complete freak, but that is not why I can’t stand Raspberry Beret. In fact, I think Little Red Corvette is an absolute classic. The entire Purple Rain album is burned into my brain from incessant repetitive listening during the 80s… so… what up with Raspberry Beret?

Raspberry Beret is a Bad Sex Song.

There was an unmentionable time during the late 80s where I was doing something I shouldn’t have been doing with someone I’d really rather forget about and, yes, Raspberry Beret was playing. Now, over a decade later, the only memory I have of THAT SITUATION WE’RE NOT TALKING ABOUT is the song. I’ve grown so adept at FORGETTING ABOUT THAT TIME WE’RE NOT TALKING ABOUT that I don’t even think about the situation as I lunge for the radio to change the song… I’m just thinking, “God, I hate this song.”

Sorry Prince. Not your fault, you were just on the radio at the time. Additional apologies to the Fine Young Cannibals who, unfortunately, were a gift from THAT PERSON WE DON’T TALK ABOUT LA LA LA NOT LISTENING TO YOU.

18 Responses

  1. Oh crap. For one complete second, you had me thinking that you were an ex-bf of mine.

  2. Waider 15 years ago

    This I can understnad; I had the misfortune of finding the lyrics to Sheryl Crow’s "Strong Enough" in my gf’s house some years ago. Not being familiar with the song, and being somewhat paranoid due to the relationship going through a bad spot, I thought it was something she’d written herself. Owie.

  3. krahli 15 years ago

    I have an extreme distaste for Ani DiFranco and Tori Amos for similar reasons. That distaste isn’t just limited to a specific tune from either of those two.

  4. The very thought of having sex while listening to that Prince song is weirding me out. Not due to any past bad experiences, it is just fundamentally disturbing to me for some reason. Am I afraid of thinking of Prince while having sex and losing my boner? (or perhaps giving myself a boner of extraordinary strength? hmmm…). I think you’ve managed to unintentionally ruin that song for me, bah.

  5. Unmentionable ‘woman?’

    Please, hon. We know better. It’s OK. Really.

    (while reading your post I somehow got the impression you were going to come out of the closet or something during it – the Prince factor, etc.)

  6. rands 15 years ago


    I realized as I was writing the entry that, well, Prince AS A WHOLE has been tainted by the Beret experience. It’s unfortuante because I really honestly think that little freak can sing. DAMN YOU UNMENTIONABLE WOMEN WHOSE NAME GIVES ME THE SHUDDERS.

  7. Klaatu 15 years ago

    T Ryvar;

    More like “Controversy” by Prince… Yes, Rands was a RAMONE!

    -Still listening to Sonic Youth,

  8. Rands isn’t gay!? GHAGLUAGHALG

  9. One of my exes very nearly ruined Radiohead for me. Fortunately she only likes pre-OK Computer Radiohead, meaning their best work (shut up. The Bends is good, but not THAT good.) is still fair game for me.


  11. WofoPewp 15 years ago

    Mang, Prince is still the hottest sex music. (Sign O’ The Times, people!) But Medeski Martin and Wood’s “Combustication” album is ruined for me . . . and for a long time, so was Steve Wonder’s “Boogie On Reggae Woman.” I am an angry black man – except not angry and not black.


  13. Darien, any music during inappropriate times can only lead to bad memories we should really put a st 15 years ago

    The song has a very good memory (though the girl constantly wore a black berret) for me. It’s the same conditioning factor however.

    I am a young man but my negative condition is Led Zeppelin. I had this girl who I really shouldn’t have been with.. and she had an affinity for the doors and zeppelin and apparently one time in coitis we were listening to “zep” and performed exceedingly well.. she took to playing them… more specifically the same album… every smeggin’ time! I developed an aversion to both.

    Such is nature, an electric shock in the cheese, the past (photos clothing hairstyles) and the people you remember being with at the time, performing a complete autopsy and eating twinkies.

    ~Darien, I’m wearing a shirt right now of an event where I met a future g/f who now lives in hawaii that I never got to resolve.

  14. What Joy said.

  15. Fortunately, my former girlfriend listened to music I pretty-much universally hated (read: most modern country WHICH IS NOW JUST POP WITH FIDDLES AS SUNG BY IDIOT REDNECKS), so I don’t have any problems with this sort of aversive conditioning.

    Then again, I’m still on good terms with my ex (no huge flaming arguments or anything caused the breakup), so that might have something to do with things as well.

  16. Analise 14 years ago

    Bahahaha. Found you randomly on Google, thought your entry was exceedingly funny…poor thing. No songs have yet been ruined for me…but I have time.

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